Jingle Bells in English and French

Jingle Bells (Learn a Song Podcast)


Vive Le Vent -with lyrics- Jingle bell in French with Lyrics

English is too difficult

Jeff Dunham, English Subtitles

Jingle Bombs

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Jingle Bombs
Don't be serious, just for fun
Lyrics are beneath the Video



[With Jeff Dunham]

Dashing through the sand
With a bomb strapped to my back
I have a nasty plan
For Christmas in Iraq

I got through checkpoint A
But not through checkpoint B
That's when I got shot in the ass by the U.S. military

It's not funny!

Ooo, Jingle bombs, jingle bombs mine blew up you see
Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me
Jingle bombs, jingle bombs your soldiers shot me dead
The only thing that I have left is this towel upon my head

I used to be a man, but every time I cough
Thanks to uncle Sam my dick keeps falling off
My bombing days are done, I need to find some work
Perhaps it would be much safer as a convenient store night clerk,
Ooo, Jingle bombs, jingle bombs I think I got screwed
Don't laugh at me because I'm dead or I kill you

Kobe Bryant

My life song - Kobe Bryant

A Story of NIck Vujicic - more to read!!!

A story of Nick Vujicic -- no arms, no legs

沒手沒腳的 Nick Vujicic 之故事


My name is Nick Vujicic and I give God the Glory for how He has used my testimony
to touch thousands of hearts around the world! I was born without limbs and doctors
have no medical explanation for this birth "defect". As you can imagine, I was faced
with many challenges and obstacles.

"Consider it pure joy, my Brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds."

....To count our hurt, pain and struggle as nothing but pure joy? As my parents were
Christians, and my Dad even a Pastor of our church, they knew that verse very well.
However, on the morning of the 4th of December 1982 in Melbourne (Australia), the
last two words on the minds of my parents was "Praise God!". Their firstborn son had
been born without limbs! There were no warnings or time to prepare themselves for it.
The doctors we shocked and had no answers at all! There is still no medical reason
why this had happened and Nick now has a Brother and Sister who were born just like
any other baby.

The whole church mourned over my birth and my parents were absolutely devastated.
Everyone asked, "if God is a God of Love, then why would God let something this
bad happen to not just anyone, but dedicated Christians?" My Dad thought I wouldn't
survive for very long, but tests proved that I was a healthy baby boy just with a few
limbs missing.

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Understandably, my parents had strong concern and evident fears of what kind of life
I'd be able to lead. God provided them strength, wisdom and courage through those
early years and soon after that I was old enough to go to school.
The law in Australia didn't allow me to be integrated into a main-stream school
because of my physical disability. God did miracles and gave my Mom the strength to
fight for the law to be changed. I was one of the first disabled students to be integrated
into a main-stream school.

I liked going to school, and just try to live life like everyone else, but it was in my
early years of school where I encountered uncomfortable times of feeling rejected,
weird and bullied because of my physical difference. It was very hard for me to get
used to, but with the support of my parents, I started to develop attitudes and values
which helped me overcome these challenging times. I knew that I was different but on
the inside I was just like everyone else. There were many times when I felt so low that
I wouldn't go to school just so I didn't have to face all the negative attention. I was
encouraged by my parents to ignore them and to try start making friends by just
talking with some kids. Soon the students realized that I was just like them, and
starting there God kept on blessing me with new friends.

There were times when I felt depressed and angry because I couldn't change the way I
was, or blame anyone for that matter. I went to Sunday School and learnt that God
loves us all and that He cares for you. I understood that love to a point as a child, but I
didn't understand that if God loved me why did He make me like this? Is it because I
did something wrong? I thought I must have because out of all the kids at school, I'm
the only weird one. I felt like I was a burden to those around me and the sooner I go,
the better it'd be for everyone. I wanted to end my pain and end my life at a young age,
but I am thankful once again, for my parents and family who were always there to
comfort me and give me strength.

Due to my emotional struggles I had experienced with bullying, self esteem and
loneliness, God has implanted a passion of sharing my story and experiences to help
others cope with whatever challenge they have in their life and let God turn it into a
blessing. To encourage and inspire others to live to their fullest potential and not let
anything get in the way of accomplishing their hopes and dreams.
One of the first lessons that I have learnt was not to take things for granted.

---

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"And we know that in all things God works for the best for those who love Him."

That verse spoke to my heart and convicted me to the point where that I know that
there is no such thing as luck, chance or coincidence that these "bad" things happen in
our life.

---

I had complete peace knowing that God won't let anything happen to us in our life
unless He has a good purpose for it all. I completely gave my life to Christ at the age
of fifteen after reading John 9. Jesus said that the reason the man was born blind was
"so that the works of God may be revealed through Him." I truly believed that God
would heal me so I could be a great testimony of His Awesome Power. Later on I was
given the wisdom to understand that if we pray for something, if it's God's will, it'll
happen in His time. If it's not God's will for it to happen, then I know that He has
something better.
I now see that Glory revealed as He is using me just the way I am and in ways others
can't be used.

I am now twenty-three years old and have completed a Bachelor of Commerce
majoring in Financial Planning and Accounting. I am also a motivational speaker and
love to go out and share my story and testimony wherever opportunities become
available. I have developed talks to relate to and encourage students through topics
that challenge today's teenagers. I am also a speaker in the corporate sector.

---

---

I have a passion for reaching out to youth and keep myself available for whatever God
wants me to do, and wherever He leads, I follow.

I have many dreams and goals that I have set to achieve in my life. I want to become
the best witness I can be of God's Love and Hope, to become an international
inspirational speaker and be used as a vessel in both Christian and non-Christian
venues. I want to become financially independent by the age of 25, through real estate
investments, to modify a car for me to drive and to be interviewed and share my story
on the "Oprah Winfrey Show"! Writing several best-selling books has been one of my
dreams and I hope to finish writing my first by the end of the year. It will be called
"No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!"

---

---

I believe that if you have the desire and passion to do something, and if it's God's will,
you will achieve it in good time. As humans, we continually put limits on ourselves
for no reason at all! What's worse is putting limits on God who can do all things. We
put God in a "box". The awesome thing about the Power of God, is that if we want to

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do something for God, instead of focusing on our capability, concentrate on our
availability for we know that it is God through us and we can't do anything without
Him. Once we make ourselves available for God's work, guess whose capabilities we
rely on? God's!

---

---

May the Lord Bless you

In Christ,

Nick Vujicic

Nick Vujicic

‘No arms, no legs, no worries’

By Ruth Schenk | rschenk@secc.org

Last summer, thousands of Kenyans packed into a
Nairobi church to hear Nick Vujicic, a handsome
Australian with a booming voice. Before the
service began, friends lifted him onto a table at
the front of the sanctuary where he shared a little
about his life without arms or legs.

No one knew why he was born without limbs.
Doctors were as shocked as Vujicic’s parents,
devout Christians who planted a church in
Australia 11 months before Vujicic was born. They
knew every word of Romans 8:28: "In all things,
God works for the good of those who love Him,"
but it was hard to understand how God could use
their son’s loss for good.

"Even though my parents were Christians, the last
words on their minds the day I was born were
‘Praise God," Vujicic said.

Some people dared to ask tough questions. As he
grew older, Vujicic asked them, too. He read in
Sunday school about being made in God’s image.

That seemed like a cruel joke. He seesawed
between despair and begging God to grow arms
and legs for him. He reasoned that a miracle
would draw massive attention to God’s power.
In the early years, Vujicic wasn’t allowed to go to
public school in Australia because of his disability.
His mother fought for the law to be changed, but as hard as she fought for that privilege,
school created a host of new problems. Kids bullied and teased. Most activities were out of
reach.

"I liked going to school, but that was where I encountered times of feeling rejected, weird and
bullied because of my physical differences," Vujicic said. "I knew that I was different, but on
the inside, I was just like everyone else."

Vujicic contemplated suicide the year he turned 8.

He read Jer. 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"But I said to God, what kind of hope and future do I have?" Vujicic recalled.

When he was 15, one story in the Bible answered one of his toughest questions.

"When I read the story about the blind man in the Bible who asked Jesus why he was born
that way, Jesus said he was born so that the work of God could be revealed through him,"
Vujicic said. "That gave me peace. I said, ‘Lord, here I am. Use me. Mold me. Make me the
man you want me to be.’"

Since then, he has stopped thinking of his condition as a birth defect.

"I see this as a gift that God is using in my life to bring people from far and near to hear my
story and the hope we can have in Jesus. I know that even if I save one person from giving
up, then my work here is done," he said.

Vujicic decided that he might be without limbs, but he would live without limits. He learned to
write using the two toes on a partial foot that protrudes from his body, type 45 words per

---

minute on his computer using the "heel and toe" method, throw tennis balls, answer the
phone, walk and swim. He invented ways to shave and brush his teeth. He cares for himself
and gets around in a special chair with a seat that lifts and lowers.

He earned double degrees in accounting and financial planning by age 21.

Self-pity has no place in Vujicic’s message. He weaves his story with humor.

When he enters a rooms, he says, "I’d love to shake your hand, but I don’t have any."
He told a crowd, "A boy came up to me and asked what happened. I said, ‘Cigarettes,’
because I love to freak kids out."

In the last five years, Vujicic has shared his story as a preacher /evangelist in 12 countries
across Africa and Southeast Asia. In India, crowds of more than 100,000 packed an
auditorium to hear his story. He drew large crowds in Indonesia where 80 percent of the
population is Muslim.

Vujicic’s message is far from a stop-your-complaining, look-at-my-life-scenario about
comparing suffering.

It’s more about trusting God in all circumstances.

"If I can trust in God with my circumstances, then you can trust in God with your
circumstances," he said. "We know that God’s grace is sufficient, and if he doesn’t answer
your prayers, just know that He is with you and that’s the message—‘Fear not for I am with
you.’"

Vujicic began speaking in churches and convention centers two years ago. It began after a
retreat.

George Miksa, who works at Life Without Limbs, the 501c3 organization formed two years ago,
said Vujicic’s message reaches hearts in a profound way.

"Nick’s approach to life is complete victory," he said. "He encourages us to look at our biggest
obstacles. He encourages people to never give up and tells them that God gives the strength
to get up again. Response is amazing."

Vujicic has a special message for teenagers.

"When people put you down, get a second opinion," he said. "You get a second opinion with
medical issues, so why not get a second opinion in the Word of God? People called me names
when I was a child, but the Word of God says I’m a child of the King of Kings and Lord of
Lords. That’s who I am. I have a purpose, which is hope. No one can argue with my smile. No
one can argue with my joy. No one can argue with my strength. And you know, it’s not my
strength. You know that it is God’s strength made perfect in weakness."

Vujicic already has a packed schedule next year. He also will release his first book, No Arms,
No Legs, No Worries.

"Not having arms and legs has gotten me into some doors I would not have been able to walk
through."

Learn more about Nick Vujicic at www.lifewithoutlimbs.org.

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Phil Jackson and คิดอย่างแชมป์บาสโลก ตอน 2

โค้ชแจ๊คสันบอกว่า "ก็ให้หยุดความคิดวอกแวกทั้งสิ้นทั้งปวงเสียเพื่อให้ร่างกายของเราทำหน้าที่ตามสัญชาตญาณที่มันถูกฝึกถูกสอนให้ทำกลางสนามบาส โดยไม่ให้สมองเข้ามาป้วนเปี้ยน สร้างความสับสนโดยไม่จำเป็น..."

ความเป็นเซนอยู่ที่การทำทุกอย่าง (ไม่ว่าจะเป็นการเล่นบาสอันคล่องแคล่วหรือเอาขยะไปทิ้งหลังบ้าน) ด้วยความแม่นยำ และ รู้ตัวว่าทำอะไรอยู่ทุกขณะจิต

คำว่า "ทุกขณะจิต" หรือ moment to moment คือหัวใจของความเป็นเซน เพราะนั่นหมายถึงการรู้ตัวว่าทำอะไรอยู่ในทุกจังหวะ ไม่ปล่อยให้สมอง หรือ ความคิดพาโลดแล่นไปมา ซึ่งจะทำให้ความแม่นยำและความเคลื่อนไหวที่ควรจะเป็นไปตามธรรมชาตินั้นขาดหายเป็นช่วงๆ

เป็นคำประกาศของโค้ชมะกันที่ฟังแล้วน่าประหลาด เพราะวัฒนธรรมตะวันตกแต่ก่อนย่อมไม่สนใจใยดีกับความเป็นธรรมชาติแห่งเซน แต่โค้ชระดับโลกคนนี้กำลังบอกเราว่า ความเป็นตะวันออกนั่นแหละคือสูตรแห่งความสำเร็จของนักกีฬาระดับสากล

จะเป็นแชมป์ต้องทำสมาธิอย่างเซนให้ได้

โค้ชคนนี้สอนให้นักเล่นทุกคนรำลึกถึงความเครียดและคลายให้ได้ทันที เพราะเขาสอนว่า หากระหว่างที่เล่นอยู่นั้นเกิดรู้สึกเกร็งที่ไหล่หรือคอ ให้รู้ต้วทันทีว่ากำลังมีปัญหา

ปัญหาของนักเล่นบาสที่รู้สึกเกร็งส่วนใดส่วนหนึ่งของร่างกายก็คือ ความคล่องแคล่วจะหายไปทันที แทนที่จะเคลื่อนไหวอย่างธรรมชาติตามที่ได้ฝึกปรือมา ก็จะกลายเป็นอาการเกร็งที่ทำให้ทุกฝีก้าวและจังหวะของมือไม้เริ่มจะตึงและขัด

"ผมสั่งคนเล่นของผมทุกคนว่า ถ้ารู้สึกไหล่ หรือ คอ เกิดเกร็ง หรือ ตึงขึ้นมา ให้บอกตัวเองทันทีว่า เพราะเรากำลังหยุดหายใจเพราะความเครัยด หรือ ความกลัว หรือความไม่ปรกติของร่างกาย..."

รู้ตัวว่าเกร็งเมื่อใด ให้บอกตัวเองว่ากำลังทำสิ่งที่ไม่ควรจะทำ นั่นคือ การหยุดหายใจ

เมื่อรู้ตัวอย่างนั้น จงหายใจใหม่ หายใจเป็นจังหวะช้า และ เต็มที่เสีย แล้วเล่นใหม่ จะสังเกตว่าตัวเองสามารถเรียกพลังกลับมาได้ทันที

โค้ขแจ็คสันบอกว่า "สมาธิแบบเซนสอนว่าเราต้องเพ่งไปที่การหายใจของเรา สังเกตุและติดตามการหายใจ ความนิ่งสงบและคล่องแคล่วก็จะกลับมา เพ่งไปที่ลมหายใจแล้วก็ปล่อนวางเสีย...เราผ่านขณะจิตนั้นไป แล้วก็อยู่ในขณะจิตต่อไป...moment to moment..."

อ่านต่อภาค 3

ยังไม่ได้อ่านภาค 1... อ่านซะซิ

Phil Jackson and คิดอย่างแชมป์บาสโลก

Phil Jackson is now officially number one on the list of coaches! He surpassed Red Auerbach as the coach with most number of NBA Championships.

Jackson won six titles in the 1990s with Michael Jordan for the Chicago Bulls. Now, he has won fourth with the Los Angeles Lakers last Sunday by beating the Orlando Magic 99-86 on Game 5.

Wearing a cap with the Roman numeral 10, Jackson said he would emulated what Red usually does after each championship victory – to smoke cigars. And he did for the celebration of the victory.

คิดอย่างแชมป์บาสโลก

สำหรับคน"บ้า"บาส (เกตบอล) อย่างผม ("ผม" ในที่นี้เป็นข้อเขียนของ สุทธิชัย และ ปราบดา หยุ่น) ใครมาบอกว่า ถ้าจะเล่นกีฬานี้ให้ดีต้อง "ทำสมาธิแบบเซน" ให้เป็นด้วย ผมก็คงจะหาว่าบ้าเต็มทน แต่แล้วเรื่องไม่น่าเชื่ออย่างนี้ก็เกิดขึ้นได้จริงๆ

เรื่องของเรื่องมาจากโค้ชคนดังชื่อ ฟิล แจ๊คสัน Phil Jackson ของทีม Chicago Bulls ที่เคยมีนักเล่นนามกระเดื่องอย่าง ไมเคิล จอร์แดน หรือ สก็อตตี้ พิบเพ็น กับ เดนนีส รอดแมน

โค้ชฝรั่งคนนี้สร้างความสำเร็จให้กับทีมยักษ์ในการแข่งขันเอ็นบีเอมาแล้ว และเป็นเจ้าของตำราว่าด้วยการเล่นบาสให้เก่งและคล่องแคล่วเสียด้วย

วันก่อนผมฟังเขาสัมภาษณ์เรื่องการสร้างความเกรียงไกรให้กับนักเล่นบาสแล้วก็เกิดความประหลาดใจเป็นอย่างยิ่ง เพราะมันเกี่ยวกับจิตใจพอๆกับพลังสรีระทีเดียว

เรียกว่าความเป็น "ชีวจิต" เกี่ยวข้องกับการเป็นแชมป์ของนักบาสอย่างน่าทึ่งทีเดียวเชียวแหละครับ

การทำสมาธิแบบเซนไปทำให้นักเล่นบาส นามกระเดื่องเก่งกาจได้อย่างไรหรือ

โค้ชแจ๊คสันผู้รู้ทุกย่างก้าวของคนเล่นบาสระดับสังเวียนโลกบอกว่า เซน Zen เกี่ยวกับการเล่นบาสให้ได้เป็นเบอร์หนึ่งของจักรวาลอย่างแน่นอน

เพราะการเล่นบาสให่้ได้ผลนั้น คนเล่นจะต้องปรับเป้าหมายหนึ่งไปสู่อีกเป้าหมายหนึ่งอย่างรวดเร็ว ไม่น้อยไปกว่าความเร็วของแสงเลยแม้แต่น้อย

และการทำตนให้เป็นเลิศนั้น คนเล่นบาสจะต้องสามารถเคลื่อนขยับด้วย "สมองที่โปร่งแจ้ง" และมีสมาธิเป็นเยี่ยม เพื่อจับได้ว่าผู้เล่นคนไหนกำลังทำอะไรบนสนามในทุกขณะจิตของการพันตู

และโค้ชระดับโลกคนนี้ก็พูดประโยคที่ทำให้ผมถึงบางอ้อทันที

"เคล็ดลับของการทำให้เกิดสมาธิและพุ่งเป้าไปสู่การเล่นบาสที่ได้ผลจริงๆในจังหวะนั้นคือ การไม่คิดอะไรเลย...The secret is, not thinking..."

พูดอย่างนี้จะเข้าใจได้อย่างไร ไอ้"ไม่คิด"จะทำอย่างไร ในเมื่อสมองจะต้องทำงานพร้อมกับร่างกายในขณะที่จะต้องทำคะแนนหรือสกัดกั้นไม่ให้คู่ต่อสู้ทำคะแนนเอาชนะเราให้ได้

เป็นถ้อยอธิบายที่สร้างความงุนงงยิ่งนัก แต่เมื่อฟังคำอรรถาธิบายและคิดตามโค้ชบันลือโลกคนนี้แล้ว ก็เห็นอะไรกระจ่างขึ้น

"การที่บอกว่าอย่าคิดในขณะที่เล่นเกมอย่างดุเดือดเผ็ดมันนั้น ไม่ได้หมายความว่าให้เล่นอย่างงี่เง่านะเพื่อน..." เขาพูดเสริมเหมือนรู้ทันว่าใครได้ยินคำแนะนำแรกเริ่มก็จะต้องเกิดความสงสัยคลางแคลงและทำท่าจะไม่เชื่อเอาง่ายๆ

"ที่ผมบอกว่าอย่าใช้สมองคิดอะไรในยามที่ต้องการเล่นอย่างเป็นเลิศนั้น แปลว่าให้หยุดความคิดฟู้งซ่านหรืออาการวอกแวกของความคิดความอ่านเหมือนลิง เดี๋ยวกระโดดไปคิดโน่นเดี๋ยวกระโดดไปคิดนี่ ไม่มีความนิ่ง อย่างนี้พังแน่..."

อ้าว แล้วจะให้ทำอย่างไรเล่า...

อ่านต่อภาค 2 น่ะจ๊ะ...

English Pronunciation แบบ เด็กๆ

เรียนภาษาแบบเด็กๆ อังกฤษ ด้วย เพลง หรือ ทำนอง พยายามก๊อปปี้สำเนียงน่ะจ๊ะ

1) การนับ Count 1-20


2) เพลง Alphabet A to Z


3) Days of the week-Sing It! วันภาษาอังกฤษ ด้วย เพลง


4) Colors song เพลงว่าด้วยสี ไม่ต้องท่อง


5) รูปทรงต่างๆ Lots of Shapes
Oval รูปวงรี
+ = Plus
Circle วงกลม
สี่เหลี่ยมจัตูรัส Square
a House รูปทรงบ้าน
a Star รูปดาว
รูปหัวใจ a Heart
Triangle รูปสามเหลี่ยม

Idiom Achilles’ heel

Achilles’ heel คำนี้มาจากหนังเรื่อง Troy ที่กล่าวถึง อะคีรีส ที่เป็นนักรบที่เก่งกาจ เป็นบุตรชายของเทพเจ้า ได้รับการชุบตัวในบ่อน้ำศักด์สิทธิ์ทำให้
ร่างกายอยู่ยงคงกระพันฟันแทงไม่เข้ายกเว้นแต่ที่ข้อเท้าซึ่งเทพไ้ด้จับข้อเท้าเพื่อ
จุ่มลงไปในบ่อน้ำศักด์สิทธิ์ จึงทำให้ข้อเท้าไม่ได้รับการชุบ ทำให้กลายเป็น
จุดอ่อนจุดเดียวของ อะคีรีส ซึ่งทำให้ อะคีรีสถึงจุดจบโดยธนูอาบยาพิษ จึงเป็นคำ Idiom ที่กล่าวถึงจุดอ่อนจุดเดียว ในจุดแข็งทั้่งหมด
ดู Video และ ประโยคภาษาอังกฤษ รวมทั้งการออกเสียง Pronunciation ซึ่งพ่อขอย้ำ ว่าต้องพูดตามให้เหมือนมากที่สุด เนื่องจากเราต้องสื่อให้เจ้าของภาษาเข้าใจ



This is a phrase which means a vulnerable weakness in spite of overall strength.
This expression comes from the ancient legend of Achilles who died when a poisoned arrow pierced his heel.
For example, you can say, “Though he’s an excellent athlete, swimming is his Achilles’ heel.”

Doctor Jokes

Doctor Jokes

Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?
Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.
Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.


Doctor (to the patient): Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you
take it?
Patient: Yes, sir. But I did not drink it.
Doctor: Why?
Patient : (Pointing to the bottle) : Because it is written on the label:
Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.

Dentist (to the patient): For God's sake, stop making those noises and
waving your arms. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : Yes, I know. But u're standing on my foot.

Doctors son: Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me
some guidelines of success.
Doctor father: Always, write your prescriptions
illegibly and your bills legibly.

Doctor: Yes, what is it I can do for you?
Patient : Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends
told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body's blood would go
into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn't anyone say that all the blood
would go into the legs?
Doctor: The fact's your legs are not that hollow as your head is.

Doctor: Mr. Kishan, you look exhausted.
Kishan: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have
to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.



Doctor: Liquor is a slow poison for you.
Patient: It's all-right. I'm not in a hurry.

Patient: May I have a glass of water, doctor.
Doctor: Are you thirsty?
Patient: No... I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks.

Patient: How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?
Doctor: Fifty rupees.
Patient: Fifty ruppes, for only a few second's work?
Doctor: Well, I will do it very slowly.
Patient: How much is for the operation?
Doctor: Rupees on thousand.
Patient: But it was a serious one.
Doctor: Nonsense. You can't buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand
now-a days.

Mohan : (to the doctor) : Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?
Doctor : Your eyesight seems to be poor.
Mohan : How did you come to that conclusion?
Doctor: You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a
veterinary hospital.

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, "I cannot
hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would
like to see?".
"Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor".

A patient: Doctor, I don't feel hungry after taking meal.
Doctor: Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit.
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another
one before you get-up.

Patient: Doctor, I can't sleep.
Doctor: Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off.

Patient: I have spent 80% of my life's savings on doctors.
Doctor : Why didn't you come to me earlier?

Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?
Doctor: Use a pencil till I come to see your son.

Patient: Doctor, I feel there are two of me.
Doctor : Very well, I shall see you, one at a time.

Romi : (to the doctor): Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift.
Doctor: Tell her to come in.
Romi: I cannot
Doctor: Why so?
Romi: Because she does not stop at this floor.

A fat lady: (To a health expert). Give me some advice that can reduce my
fatness.
Health expert: Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a
particular time.
Fat lady: At which particular time?
Health expert: Whenever anybody asks you to eat.

Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): What is wrong with you?
Patient: I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine.
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): Here, Take this.
Patient: Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right.

Doctor (to a patient) : you must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine
before every meal.
Patient: Doctor, we've only 3 spoons at home.

Patient to doctor: On the top of your prescription these words are printed:
We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it
to God?
Doctor: Pay me. I will send it.

Patient: Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness.
Doctor: You can pay by cash, cheque or money order.

Patient: Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?
Doctor: That is what I want to find out myself.

Doctor to patient: Why are you nervous?
Patient: Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation.
Doctor: But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation.

Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill.
Doctor: Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet.

Patient: I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber
at this time of night.
Doctor: Don't worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two
birds with one stone.

Woman patient : Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die.
Doctor : You did the right thing to call me.

A patient to his friend: I am taking rest cure.
Friend: What do you do?
Patient : I sit every day for three hours in the waiting room of a very busy
doctor.

Doctor to woman patient: Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You
should not give it to him.
Patient: But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak
coffee.

Doctor: You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt
water?
Patient: Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming.

Doctor to woman: What is the matter about your husband?
Woman: He is worrying about money.
Doctor: I think I can relieve him of that.

Patient to friend: I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory.
Friend: What did he do?
Patient: He made me pay him in advance.

Doctor: Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only
an indication of old age.
Husband: Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?

Patient: Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am
ninety?
Doctor: How old are you now?
Patient: 40
Doctor: Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?
Patient: No. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I don't smoke. I have no vice.
Doctor: Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?

Patient: Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine.
The doctor was very much pleased.
He asked : Did it really help you?
Patient: It helped me wonderfully.
Doctor: How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?
Patient: I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his
sole heir.

Patient: Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don't mind. Why
do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?
Doctor: You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc.

Doctor to Patient: Don't worry about your heart. It will
function as long as you live.

A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.
The latter examined his hands carefully for sometime and consulted many
large volumes on his shelves. Finally, he asked the patient : Have you had
this trouble before?
He answered: Yes.
Doctor said: You have again got it.

A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age.
Patient: The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not
pain?

Doctor: You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is
hereditary.
Patient: Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about
it?

Submit your URL and make more interactive!!!

Make your blog or web site recognized by worldwide search engine and leading local search engine or leading local web site as Sanook by manually add url to their list respectively as following:

• Add your Url to Google to make Google Searchable at http://www.google.com/addurl/
• yahoo >> http://search.yahoo.com/info/submit.html
• http://www.bing.com/docs/submit.aspx Msn or Bing (new name of Microsoft)
  
• http://webindex.sanook.com/addweb/

The Secrets of Enzyme Noni

10 Ways to Make Your Site More Interactive

by Kate Schultz

1. Develop a survey on an interesting topic and administer it from your site. Announce your survey in e-zines, newsgroups, forums and mailing lists. When the survey is over, notify all the participants of the results.

2. Give a quiz! Set up a short quiz using multiple choice and true or false answers. Show the results of the quiz immediately and provide the right answers to any questions answered incorrectly.

3. Invite your visitors to participate in discussions at your discussion boards on your site.

4. Let your visitors add their content to your site. Provide a format to allow visitors to add their poems, stories, Web site addresses or pictures.

5. Provide online training that is of interest to your visitors. Include a bulletin board and schedule chat sessions for classes with your students.

6. Ask for feedback in a question and answer format. Set up a form that allows your visitors to ask questions. Post their questions and your answers on the Web site.

7. Give your visitors an incentive to click on banners. "Click here" for a prize, more information or a freebie.

8. Create quick one question polls and provide instant calculation of results after each answer.

9. Add a guestbook to get comments and suggestions from your visitors.

10. Set up live communication on your site. Chat software lets visitors ask you questions in real time.

Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech

Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech+Text English Subtitle:



2nd Part:


See How Steve Jobs Speech interpreted into Mind Mapping: Mind Map of Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Address

How Mindmaps can help you learn a language

Al Pacino's Inspiration speech

เพลง: ทบทวนอีกที
Video และ บทความ จะเห็นว่า Speech คือ สุนทรพจน์ ทั้ง ไทย อังกฤษ ใช้ศัพท์ธรรมดา แต่เน้น เร้าใจ มีจังหวะจะโคน ใช้ได้ ในการนำเสนอ การขาย และ อื่น ๆ



I don't know what to say really.
Three minutes
to the biggest battle of our professional lives
all comes down to today.
Either
we heal
as a team
or we are going to crumble.
Inch by inch
play by play
till we're finished.
We are in hell right now, gentlemen
believe me
and
we can stay here
and get the shit kicked out of us
or
we can fight our way
back into the light.
We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time.

Now I can't do it for you.
I'm too old.
I look around and I see these young faces
and I think
I mean
I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.
I uh....
I pissed away all my money
believe it or not.
I chased off
anyone who has ever loved me.
And lately,
I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know when you get old in life
things get taken from you.
That's, that's part of life.
But,
you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
You find out that life is just a game of inches.
So is football.
Because in either game
life or football
the margin for error is so small.
I mean
one half step too late or to early
you don't quite make it.
One half second too slow or too fast
and you don't quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They are in ever break of the game
every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch
On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us
to pieces for that inch.
We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.
Cause we know
when we add up all those inches
that's going to make the fucking difference
between WINNING and LOSING
between LIVING and DYING.

I'll tell you this
in any fight
it is the guy who is willing to die
who is going to win that inch.
And I know
if I am going to have any life anymore
it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch
because that is what LIVING is.
The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can't make you do it.
You gotta look at the guy next to you.
Look into his eyes.
Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.
You are going to see a guy
who will sacrifice himself for this team
because he knows when it comes down to it,
you are gonna do the same thing for him.

That's a team, gentlemen
and either we heal now, as a team,
or we will die as individuals.
That's football guys.
That's all it is.
Now, whattaya gonna do?

Golf & Mike

Golf & Mike, more often credited in Thailand as Golf-Mike (Thai: กอล์ฟ-ไมค์), are a Thai pop duo consisting of brothers Pichaya "Golf" Nitipaisalkul and Pirat "Mike" Nitipaisalkul.

History

Golf (Pichaya Nitipaisalkul) was born on February 20, 1987, the younger brother of Sand and Bank, a retired musical sibling duo that was under record label RS Entertainment. Mike Pirat Nitipaisalkul was born on December 19, 1989, the youngest son in the family. The four brothers have a younger sister Ying, born in 1992.

Influenced by their older brothers, Golf and Mike aspired to be singers, and in 2002, the two Nitipaisalkul brothers were recruited into the G-Junior project by GMM Grammy, Thailand's largest entertainment company. They were trained in singing, dancing, acting, and language for four years before finally debuting as Golf-Mike in November 2005 with their self-titled album, Golf-Mike. Dance-pop track "Bounce" was chosen to be the album's first promotional single, and it became a big hit in Thailand. The other tracks, "Ruang Lek Kaung Tur", "Ta Lok Dee", "Yah Len Bab Nee," and "Epilogue" were also widely accepted in the industry.

The duo's first nomination was the Most Popular Artist for the Year award for the Seed Awards 2006, which they also won in February 2006 In March, they were able to hold their first solo concert, Golf-Mike Let's Bounce Concert at Thunder Dome with an audience of 5,000 people.

In June 2006, Golf & Mike was awarded Best Breakthrough Artist from the Channel [V] Thailand Music Video Awards 2006. Later that month, they showed up in Japan forming Johnny's Entertainment's first ever international unit, Kitty GYM along with popular J-pop figure, Tomohisa Yamashita. "GYM", stands for Golf, Yamashita and Mike, respectively with "Kitty" standing for the backup dancers. They released one single, "Fever to Future" as an official supporter of the Women's Volleyball World Grandprix. The single ranked #1 on the Oricon charts.

At the end of August, Golf & Mike teamed up with other G-Junior artists including Chin, Guy, Happy, Madiow, J, Nut, Ken, and Ice as a group called "G-JR" (read as G-J-R) releasing an album, 10 Club.

On October 7, G-JR held a concert again called The Show Must Go On Concert By Golf-Mike & Friends at Impact Arena. At the end of the month, G-JR managed to win a Virgin Hitz Awards 2006 for Popular Vote New Band.
Golf & Mike performing on MTV Fast Forward in 2009


After finishing the promotion for their album 10 Club, Golf & Mike got back to the studios and started working on their second full-length album. By the end of 2006, Golf & Mike decided to release a special album 365 Days With Golf-Mike instead of their second album. This special album included a hit song, "Kaub Khun Young Noi Pai." They promoted the special album and worked in the studio for the second album until March 8, 2007 when their second album, One By One, officially launched to the stores. The first music video for the album, "Fight For You," took them three whole days to practice for Free-Running. On March 13, Golf-Mike was voted by Thailand's Entertainment Reporter Association in the Star Entertainment Awards 2007 as the "Best Group".

In June 2007, they released their first Japanese debut single, "Nippon Ai Ni Ikuyo". Two months later they released their debut Japanese album RIN.

In September 2007, Golf & Mike released a Korean version of their One By One album under SM Entertainment. It contains two bonus tracks sung in Korean.

Both Golf and Mike have taken the leading roles in a Thai series called Ubat Ruk Kaam Kaub Fah that has been broadcasted on Modern 9 TV in Thailand. This series, or lakorn, was directed and screen-written by Ping Lampraplerng.

Golf & Mike have their very own clothing range, which appears in popular shopping areas such as Siam Square in Thailand.

They are currently studying at Mahidol University International College. Their third album, GET R3ADY was released December 2008.

Background information
Also known as GM, Golf-Mike
Origin Bangkok, Thailand
Genre(s) Thai pop, J-pop, dance-pop, hip hop, R&B
Years active 2005–present
Label(s) GMM Grammy, Johnny's Entertainment, SM Entertainment
Associated acts Kitty GYM, G-JR
Website golfmike.gmember.com
Members
Golf Pichaya
Mike Pirat

Discography

Studio albums

* 2005: Golf-Mike
* 2006: 10 Club (as G-JR, a collaboration with other G-Junior artists)
* 2007: One By One
* 2007: RIN
* 2008: GET R3ADY
* 2009: GET R3ADY 2 (chinese)
* 2009: Golf Mike Love Beyond Frontier OSTs [Mai Pid Tee Ruk Ter]
* 2009: Love Beyond Frontier Lakorn (Season 1 and 2) + Behind the Scenes and OSTs

Compilations

* 2007: Golf Mike Music Box Collection
* 2008: Golf-Mike: Diary Hits

EPs

* 2006: 365 Days With Golf-Mike

Singles

* 2005: "Tong Ther Tao Nun"
* 2005: "Kon Kon Deaw Kun"
* 2006: GYM "Fever to Future"
* 2007: "Nippon Ainiikuyo"

Concerts

* 2006: Let's Bounce
* 2006: The Show Must Go On by Golf-Mike & Friends
* 2007: One By One
* 2008: Golf Mike Get Ready Concert

Filmography

Film
Year	Film	Role Golf	Role Mike	Notes
2007	Mid-Road Gang มะหมา 4 ขาครับ	Makham (voice) มะขาม	—	Main protagonist
Television series (Lakorn)
Year	Title	Role Golf	Role Mike	Network
2008	Love Beyond Frontier อุบัติรักข้ามขอบฟ้า	Golf กอล์ฟ	Mike ไมค์	Modern 9 TV
2009	Love Beyond Frontier 2 อุบัติรักข้ามขอบฟ้า2	Golf กอล์ฟ	Mike ไมค์	Modern 9 TV

Commercials

* 2006: 12PLUS CUTIE, facial powder
* 2006: YAMAHA FINO, motorcycle
* 2007: iKeyclub.com
* 2007: True Corporation
* 2007: Save The World
* 2007: MY STYLE MY FINO, motorcycle
* 2008: PURIKU, fruit white tea
* 2008: i-mobile 625
* 2008: i-mobile TV 626
* 2008: YAMAHA NEW FINO 2008, motorcycle with Korean boy-band Super Junior
* 2009: PURIKU COOL
* 2009: Citra, Body Lotion
* 2009: My FINO ... My Experience, motorcycle with Korean boy-band Super Junior



Awards and nominations

* 2006: Seed "Most Popular Artist of the Year" award
* 2006: Seed "Most Popular Group Artist of the Year" (nominated)
* 2006: Channel [V: "Favorite Breakthrough Artist" award
* 2006: Channel [V: "Best Song" - Ruang Lek Kaung Tur (nominated)
* 2006: Virgin Hitz "Popular Vote New Band" - G-JR
* 2007: Star Entertainment Award "Best Group Artist"
* 2007: Asia Song Festival 2007 "Best Asian Artist Award" / Appreciation plaque from the Minister of Culture & Tourism in Korea
* 2007: Seventeen Magazine "Popular Group Artist"
* 2007: Virgin Hitz "Most Popular Group Artist of the Year" award
* 2007: Virgin Hitz "Most Popular Song of the Year" award for the song "Tee Prueksa"
* 2008: Korean Ambassador award
* 2008: Audition Music Award "Best Band"
* 2008: Sudsapda Young & Smart Vote 2008 "Young & Smart Band"
* 2009: Top Awards 2008 "Best Group Artist"
* 2009: Seed "Most Popular Artist of the Year" award

External links
Sister project Wikimedia Commons has media related to: Golf-Mike

* Golf & Mike Official Site
* Golf's GMM Profile
* Mike's GMM Profile
* GMxLoves International Fanclub
* GMZclub

Thanks to information from Wikipedia.org

Entree (อ็องเทร) and Restaurant English

Entree (อ็องเทร) เป็นภาษาฝรั่งเศสที่ถูกยืมมาใช้ในภาษาอังกฤษ ออกเสียงว่า อ็องเทร แปลว่าอาหารหนัก (main course หรือ main dish) แต่ในบางประเทศใช้ในความหมายอื่น ซึ่งใกล้เคียงกับคำว่า appetizer หรือ hors d' oeuvres (ภาษาฝรั่งเศสอ่านว่า ออเดิ๊ฟ) เป็นอาหารเรียกน้ำย่อยที่เสิร์ฟก่อนอาหารหนัก

Restaurant English Pronunciation:


เมื่อพูดถึงเรื่องอาหารแล้ว ก็อยากจะซักซ้อมวิธีการสั่งอาหารฝรั่งในภัตตาคารทั้งนี้เพื่อจะช่วยให้คนสั่งอาหารที่ต้องการ โดยไม่เหน็ดเหนื่อยเมื่อยมือ

Husband and wife are ready to order their meals

Waiter อ่านว่า เว้ เถอะ คือ พนักงานเสิร์ฟ ที่คนไทยชอบเรียกว่า บ๋อย : What would you like to have, ma'am? อ่านว่า แม้แดม คือ คุณผู้หญิง

Wife: I'll have filet mignon. (ภาษาฝรั่งเศสออกเสียงว่า ฟิเลมิย็อง บวกสำเนียงฝรั่งเศสด้วย เป็นเนื้อวัวที่นุ่มที่สุดที่อยู่ระหว่างกระดูกตะโพกและซี่โครงท่อนล่าง)

Waiter: How would you like it done?

Wife: Medium rare, please. Do you serve salad with it?

rare = ค่อนไปทางดิบ
medium rare = กึ่งสุก กึ่งดิบ
medium = สุกปานกลาง
well - done = สุกมาก
ผู้ใดชอบแบบไหน ก็ท่องเอาไว่สั่งได้เลย

Waiter: Yes, and what dressing would you prefer?

Wife: Could I have Thousand Island, please?

(Thousand Island เป็น dressing ซึ่งก็คือ น้ำสลัดชนิหนึ่งมีสีออกส้มปนครีม)

Waiter: Yes, ma'am (ma'am = Madame) And what would you like, sir?

ปรกติจะถามภรรยา หรือสุภาพสตรีก่อน ตามด้วย สามี หรือ สุภาพบุรุษ

Husband: What's special (อ่านว่า สะ เป เชี่ยว) today?

Waiter: Today's special set lunch is prawn cocktail as an appetizer, roast beef as an entree and icecream for desert. (อ่านว่า ดิเสิ้ร์ท แปลว่า ของหวาน)

Husband: O.K. I'll have the special (The อ่านว่า เดอะ ยกเว้น ตามหลังด้วย ศัพท์ที่ขึ้นต้นด้วย a e i o u จะอ่านว่า ดิ เช่น The University ดิ ยูนิเว้อซิตี้ เน้นเสียงตรง เว้อ)

(Special ในที่นี้หมายถึง อาหารพิเศษที่ไม่อยู่ในรายการอาหาร มักจะมีราคาถูกกว่าปรกติ Special Set คือ อาหารชุดซึ่งกำหนดชนิดอาหารไว้แล้ว รวมอาหารคาวหวานเข้าด้วยกันต้องสั่งทั้งชุด ในวันนี้มี prawn cocktail (prawn อ่าน พรอน คือ กุ้งตัวไม่ใหญ่นัก)

ขำๆ Mr. Bean at Restaurant

ข้อมูลจาก สถาบันภาษา มธ และปรับแต่ง เพิ่มเติม โดย พงศ์ศักดิ์

Using Jokes in English Conversation

How to Tell a Joke

(Teacher Joe originally wrote this article for College English Magazine in Beijing.)

Do you often tell jokes when you speak English? Very few students even try to do it. There are two reasons for this. One is that they have trouble remembering jokes and stories. The second reason is that they don't tell the jokes in a natural, funny way. Let me show you how you can tell jokes and make people laugh in English.

The basic idea is to do exactly what you do when you tell a friend about a movie or TV program that you saw. You don't try to memorize the whole movie or TV program. Instead you tell your friend about the most important things. You start by telling your friend who is involved in the story. Next you describe the situation. You continue by talking about what they did, which is the action. Usually you finish by talking about the exciting ending of the movie or TV program.

To help you practice speaking English, let's apply this same technique to telling a joke. Students of English should not try to learn a joke word for word. To speak more natural English, learners should tell a joke the same way they would talk about a book or a movie or a TV program.

When my students learn to tell jokes, they start with WHO, the characters. For example, you can tell a story about a teacher who was teaching little children. It doesn't matter how you say it, as long as the listener understands who is involved. You could say very simply "There once was a teacher who was teaching small children". That's enough. Or you could give more details by saying something like "There was a kind and beautiful young teacher named Miss Applebee, who was teaching a group of twenty very eager children of about four years of age". Or you could really build up the listener's curiosity by describing the people in even more detail, by saying "I heard a funny story about a very kind and beautiful, but inexperienced teacher who taught in a big city. Her students, about 20 in number and around the age of four, were all very cute and eager to learn". You can tell the story like this, but you don't have to. The first example, though simple, is just as good, and your listener will understand what you mean.

Moving on to describing the situation, we could start by simply saying "She was teaching her students the names of animals". Of course, you could give much more detail, but this is enough. Just as an example, lets try something more detailed: "This teacher had planned a lesson in which she enlarged some photographs in order to teach the students the names of all kinds of animals". Whatever you say, simple or detailed, the listener should always understand the situation.

The next part, the ACTION, is a bit longer, but as long as you describe the main points, then the exact words are not important. Let's try it like this: "The teacher showed the students a picture of a deer and asked one little boy, 'Bobby, what is this animal?' Little Bobby looked at the picture with a confused look on his face. He replied 'I'm sorry teacher, I don't know'. The teacher did not want to give up, so she found a way to help little Bobby. She asked another question. She said 'Well Bobby, what does your Mommy call your Daddy?'

Now at this point, you have told your listener how the teacher is teaching. You mentioned the pictures and that she is trying to get the little boy to understand "deer" by remembering the similar sounding word "dear". As long as you explain these basic things, any words you use are okay. The listener will have a good image in his or her head of who is involved, where they are, and what they are doing.

Now, however, comes the hardest part, called the "punch line". The "punch line" of a joke is the very last line. It is the part that makes the story funny. You can describe the people, the situation and the action in many different ways, but usually you cannot change the "punch line" or the story will not seem funny. So, you should memorize ONLY the final line, the "punch line" of a story.

Here's the "punch line" of our story: "Bobby looked at the teacher and asked, 'Teacher, is that really a pig?'. Of course, your listener will expect the boy to say the animal is a deer, because we can imagine the boy's mother calling the boy's father "Dear". The boy's surprise answer is what makes people laugh. As with the other parts, you could introduce the "punch line" with more detail. Maybe you could say "Little Bobby thought for a moment, still confused. Suddenly a bright look appeared on his face as he asked the teacher..." and then you can give the same punch line "Is that really a pig?".

Be sure to practice jokes before you tell them. Especially practice telling the "punch line" because that's the most important part. You can find many jokes throughout "College English Magazine". Find some that you like, and just remember WHO is involved, WHAT the situation is, the ACTION, and the PUNCH LINE, and you will be able to entertain your friends every day.